So, my invitation to share a tip with everyone is below. And here were the thoughts I started out by posting on the comments part of social media, so that’s a place you can start. With deep love-Kathryn
1) Deep breaths and a mantra. Almost always a go-to for me. And, if I can take a deep breath and add something to it, such as, “I breathe in calm” or “I am ok,” or “I am getting calmer” or “I have made it through to joy and calm before and I will again.” Or, I might do something like counting my breaths to get grounded, an easy repeatable thing that also brings me even more connected to my body.
2) I also used to make little braids in my hair in the midst of a panic attack. And, I’ve recently talked with people who really are supported by high-quality essential oils. I’ve also used EFT/tapping even in my head if I can’t do it physically. All of these helping connect to the physical.
3) If I am in a space where I can, some sort of movement and/or contacting someone on my go-to list if I’m up for these, or, if someone is there who I feel good to be supportive of me, asking for support. A glass of water has sometimes helped. Some find a loving hug supportive….others want distracting words….supportive words, etc.
So, those are some of what come up for me, right now. Then it’s my reminder to do whatever feels best to you, or whatever you can come up with in the moment, as long as it’s not causing you/others harm….even if it seems strange or is different from what others suggest. And, to just do something, even if it’s not the “right” thing, try something. And, remind yourself you’ve gotten through this before. And then, when you’re in a less anxious place, build the habit of something supportive, like the supportive breathing and mantra.
And, I’m going to go with “imperfection” and post this comment, though it’s a bit longer and more-winding than I might prefer, to use my time I have wisely to get it done! Hope it’s helpful! And looking forward to others’ comments. Please message me to talk more.
Monday Message: This Monday I’m reminded of two things I’d like to share that helped me on a mom-busy Monday (where Joey and I both have a bit of a head-cold) and so my initial plan to have Joey at someone else’s house today and have a good longer time to do business and self care and house care in a focused way didn’t happen. The short version is to do and celebrate short stints of accomplishing and self care. 2-15 minute action are great! And don’t forget the celebration part!. The second is to ask for help. And the little bonus is to remember “it doesn’t have to be perfect.”
Details of the Tips and how they turned out for me today:
The first is the “power” of short stints to get something accomplished or take care of yourself. This really helped me when I started to feel a bit discouraged early on today. I would notice I had a minute or two when Joey was had been feeling content and cozy on his own even though he wasn’t feeling 100% and then I’d hop on my phone and make some notes about things I wanted to do, do a self check in, consider requests I could make, read a little of something inspiring and things like this. And, I was careful to make my list small in number and including things I could do or get a good start on in 2-15 minutes time periods.
Being realistic with yourself and your family or other chosen responsibilities especially on a day where things shift like today, is really important. And celebrating what you do!!
So, I got two texts replied to, one meeting scheduled, found an errand which also gave us an outing so we wouldn’t feel cooped up and got some bonus things including something for my husband picked up, and had a brief phone call, left a message, and did a bit of “fun” reading of part of an article, and started a draft e-mail. And I did the “basics” which sometimes I forget to acknowledge/celebrate, like feeding myself, Bosko, and Joey, changing a diaper, and being with my son. And we even got a walk outside briefly!
And then I used the second little “tip” of the day. Asking for help now and later. I took someone up on their offer to help after initially encouraging them not to come since we were sick. Feeling better myself at this point and agreeing they would do things like wash their hands and take Vitamin C :), I said “yes.” I also made some plans of things I can ask for help about tonight.
And, in the last hour and 30 minutes, I got to take a shower, dry my hair and get dressed (all by myself!), make a longer more complex phone call without Joey in the background, and get started on this Monday Message which I’m planning to send out “as-is” (bonus reminder, “it doesn’t have to be perfect!.”)
Oh, and I guess another thing was really being present and enjoying the lovely things that were a surprise I wouldn’t have had, like the extra smiles and reading with Joey, the hugs, and the little outing including friendly greetings from others, and accomplishing the errands. So, appreciating and enjoying these things.
Before I go, one more time, highly encouraging you to use one of those 5-15 minute slots for self care in whatever way it looks like for you….if you’re not sure, asking that “inner knowing” self if you can get in touch with that voice. For me today it was getting an amazing shower! I feel so clean and refreshed! And, earlier in the day, actually, it was getting a glass of water and some food for myself soon after I woke up. I almost forgot about that!
And, I plan on doing some checking and sending myself and everyone love and a few other loving self care habits while helping Joey to nap….and then we’ll see if I fall asleep myself!
Thanks for letting me share a bit of my experience and some tips that might help you.
With deep love-Kathryn
Thursday Tip and Reminder Discount Ends Fri:
Self Trust Tip: Having self trust to know what you need and trust it, and to “trust” that you know yourself even if you seem to get something “wrong” is key to having deep self love and shifting anxiety and panic from being at the center of your life if that’s a factor for you.
You might do the following experiment: Every day this week (or, just pick a day this week to do it, perhaps tomorrow!) when you get up ask yourself a question about something that is part of your day, for example, “What would I like to eat for a snack today?” or “When would I like to take a coffee/tea/water break today?” and then, whatever the answer is, follow through. And, if you don’t get an answer, then you could go for making up an answer and say “Today I’m going to have ____ for a snack and see how I feel about it,” or “Today I’m going to take a break one hour in to my work time and then see how I feel afterwards.” That checking in with yourself after about how you feel is also connecting to your wiser self and getting to trust yourself. Then you can use any feedback the following day.
Please share 1-3 sentences about your experience in the comments. Would love to hear! And, quick reminder, 20% off my fast-action coaching prices for 2018 ends this Friday, so give me a call at 317-514-1462 or message me here to get an exploration call set up to see if this is a fit for you.
With deep love-Kathryn
Monday Message: So, I am going to use today as a request post from me and a reminder about how you might make a request yourself.
I would love your feedback about an aspect of Whole Loving Wellness and my writing/artistic work. I am longing for more effectiveness with my posts. I think I would see more “effectiveness” in more interaction in the “comments” of my posts and in reaching/hearing from others who I can help support as a result of my posts.
Could you respond here, or send me a message directly, with what kinds of posts you find most useful, enjoyable, or that tend to make you interested in what I am doing, or with other concrete feedback on my social media posts? Perhaps there was a certain post this past month you really liked.
“Types” of posts I think of are inspiring quotes; information to support self love, shifting anxiety, & general wellness; info about working with me, a course, or upcoming event; something fun/silly; gifts; a regular weekly post (e.g. Tuesday Gratitudes) which invites others to share as well; or passing something on from someone else. I also wonder how you like my recent use of my website to make the social media post shorter while offering an option to read the entire post quickly?
More about requests:
Requests can be very powerful and a chance to have change in your life and support. Nonviolent Communication has influenced how I see requests a lot. Marshall Rosenberg’s book Nonviolent Communication or cnvc.org has more info.
If I make them most consciously, I try to make the request concrete and doable, and connected to a need/value that I long for, and I hold it as fine if “you” say yes or no. If you say no, I intend to see it that you are meeting your needs by saying no, and to not be attached to a “yes.” I can always make a different request, even a request of myself, too! I might also share how I’m feeling when making the request.
Also, if it’s in response to something someone else has done or not done, I try to keep my statement about that action in terms of observation. For example, instead of “when you were late again today, I felt….”, perhaps, “I noticed you got here at 10:10 today and 10:15 yesterday when we had agreed we would meet each day this week at 10 a.m. Today I notice I am feeling a bit flustered and thinking I would have liked those extra 10 minutes to be at home. I’m longing for ease and I wonder if it would help if we could agree to both be here at 10:15 a.m. tomorrow and still leave to go home at 11 a.m. How does that sound to you?” (Those who know me know that I tend to be the person there at 10:10, especially if I’m meeting a friend who I think won’t mind, and getting my son ready too :), I will honestly say. This is something I’m working on, being clearer that I might be late and such in a friend setting and/or making more effort to be “on time” as I would for business/work.)
So, as you make your requests, I invite you to consider if any of this would serve you. And, I’d love to hear your feedback or an example of a request you would like to make (with the other person anonymous please).
Thanks so much and with deep love!–Kathryn
Feeling anxious or overwhelmed, perhaps especially if you are organizing things for any holidays you celebrate or if the holidays have difficult memories or concerns?
I know I’ve felt some overwhelm recently, myself. I called on different supports, with sickness going around our house and all that has meant with changed plans and folks not feeling great, including me!
In a moment when the anxiety isn’t too big, I suggest you take a deep breath, and then another deep breath. I know I’ve said it before, but, I think it’s worth repeating.
Often, if you can pause in these moments, things start to settle down, and then you can go to other support tools. I really like to “check in” with myself after things settle a little bit. Doing a quick journal or just ask myself what might help me right then. And I’ve been making requests of others too. Even if you don’t know exactly what you need, telling someone you know will be supportive you need something can help!
And, if you can make certain supports a habit in times without anxiety or of low anxiety, then they are easier to call on in other times. Always reminding yourself you have made your way through these moments before. Because sometimes the skills you have won’t be a match for the anxiety of the moment. But, that “mantra” or reminder, “It’s going to be ok. I’ve made it through this before,” over and over, might be the thing to resort to.
Just a few thoughts to share at this time of the year.
I also saw a link to songs that have been shown to reduce anxiety I wanted to share. I haven’t checked them out, but have found songs supportive at times in the past, and the idea of music supporting health in different ways keeps “showing up” in different conversations and venues. So, here that is: https://www.fastcompany.com/90274251/song-reduces-anxiety-neuroscience.
I would love to support you with in-depth coaching so you know what works well for you as 2018 draws to a close and 2019 begins. So, you have specific plans and tools in place and a deeper connection to self to get clarity about what serves you best, and be able to love yourself more deeply with the anxiety however it is now, and as it shifts. Next Friday December 7th is last day for the year of 20% off. I’m also enjoying the idea of supporting others with projects that are stimulating extra anxiety for folks if they involve writing or photography, such as holiday letters or gifts. And, my books and notecards are available for holidays. Send me a message, email Kathryn@wholelovingwellness.com or call 317-514-1462 to explore possibilities.
With deep love-Kathryn
Add something you love or that brings you contentment to each day. Starting out with once a week is fine too. It can be simple and as short as one minute, and, if needed you can adapt it to something you can do even if you cannot find a moment to yourself. Examples include deep breathing, stretching, drinking a glass of water, opening a favorite book, or looking at a favorite picture.
And, a second part, if needed, especially if you have some alone or venting-welcome space, you could even do a vent aloud and then probably shift to something joyful for few minutes. I at least have been realizing I sometimes need some “vent” space, and just did that alone today. It felt great and then I quickly shifted to deepened love, contentment, confidence, and possibility. It’s all welcome, with loving intention and heart. I’m reminded of the power of not just empathy but self-expression as explained by NVC (Nonviolent Communication), and also about different types of self-expression. And I’m thinking how “judgement” or frustration or anger which can be part of venting, when given space for me to hear it from myself, or be heard by a loved one, can help me feel “heard” and also help me shift to see what I’m feeling and valuing that is having me feel judgy or upset. I let myself shift, after venting eased things, even more with deep breathing and with a journaling exercise talking to my wiser self.
Lastly, I’m continuing to explore gratitude and also enjoying silliness and fun and cozyness and love today, and being open to how this might show up.
Would love to hear if any of this resonates with you or if you do any actions related to this. The action-taking can be an important part as well!
With deep love-Kathryn
Gratitude and challenge thoughts for today for me: Has been a day of unexpected moments, compared with what I would have thought a couple of days ago, including feelings of “another thing!” mostly with my son, Joey, being sick and then, after seeming better, hurting his finger right before going up for bed, enough we thought it might be broken and he was very sad last night before falling asleep (he seems to not even notice it hurting at all today, big gratitude there!). But, I have been grateful for a lot of cozy moments with Joey on a day where I had expected to do some housework and business work, after yesterday of mostly time with him too, with some help from a grandparent so I snuck in some things. Grateful I could be home with him and that I was healthy enough and awake enough with not enough sleep, and trusting myself, to do and be what he needed as he worked through some rough moments throwing up and feeling sick.
Grateful that, even though the challenge came up of the thoughts of “another thing” and “when can I ever work on my business,” the real major thought and trust ended up being to be fully where I was, as much as I could. To come back to joy, gratitude, and trust. And some surprise joys not directly about time with Joey, including a few moments to read a book about gratitude actually, taking some time to really focus on gratitude including gratitude in silly ways like going through the alphabet and being grateful for different kinds of foods and animals, and a phone call catching up with a friend while Joey cozied and played a bit as he was feeling better. I probably would have spent this time on housework or work for my coaching had he not been sick.
And I was so glad that we were still breastfeeding as it helped him to settle, nap, and he was able to keep food down from 11 a.m. until now, at almost 9 p.m. And it was such a joy when, toward late afternoon and early evening, he had lovely smiling moments after being quite cuddly, but not very energetic and clearly not feeling well. That included him repeating my saying “dude” while I was on the phone with my sister-friend and we had such joy and fun over this. I even did a little video. (He doesn’t say a lot of words yet).
And I am grateful for so much family support including my husband, grandparents, and family who aren’t technically family, and for our cat’s patience too. And, as the day ends, I am grateful to do a few of the house things I had planned to do earlier (trash and cat litter), and figure out how I want to post/share this longer-than-usual set of gratitudes, without worrying about editing, and also so that folks can also read the shorter version. And I’m grateful to know I will sleep soon. I’m thinking I will revive my website’s blogposts for today and link to that on social media. I am grateful for the day generally and for my general enjoyment of the day after last night when we thought Joey might have broken his finger and he was so sad and this morning when I felt sick and was concerned I’d have troubles caring for Joey as well as myself.
I’m also grateful for the being ok with my frustrations and feeling challenged as well. That it is “ok” with me to not feel always grateful with every bone in my body, and to express my frustration….even if I am always trusting in love and grateful on that deepest level, and even as I come back to it and fill up with it much more quickly and easily than I used to.