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Flexibility and adapting

“A wise man adapts himself to circumstances as water shapes itself to the vessel that contains it.” Anonymous

“The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.” George Bernard Shaw

“When something goes wrong in your life, just yell ‘Plot Twist’ and move on.” Anonymous




If Monday Musings about these quotes and adapting, and yet not always adapting might support you in your anxiety and your self love journey, please read on/  Feel free share your thoughts in the comments and/or go to our Facebook group to continue the conversation: https://www.facebook.com/groups/WLW.Support.Community/.


I like these three quotes together. Reminding us to be flexible and do our best to “take in stride” things that might surprise us or even feeling “wrong. Then reminding us that we do have power to change the world as well as ourselves, and, I would say, partly by changing ourselves,….it reminds me that we need not simply “adapt” if it’s not the right thing for us to do to take the best care of ourselves, others, or our values including values for love, justice, and also ease. And, lastly, with the idea of water adapting its shape to the vessel, I think about the fluidity of water and its power and its nurturing, and yet that it maintains itself while it adapts. So, I see a balance in all of these quotes about flexibility that I am really appreciating.

How I think about flexibility is that it is very important to be flexible and adapt, and yet to hold to one’s values and principles, and also one’s power and action. To trust ourselves and “stick with” something, but also to say “oh wait, it might be best to change,” to sometimes, holding our values, change our strategy or action, even just to make the day flow more easily.

I think of that this morning with things, as often seems the case of-late, going “differently” from what I expected, as I spent probably 15 minutes looking for a the manual I wanted and couldn’t find it online either. I ended up taking a break and even giving myself a good little “cry” moment, at this being a bit of a “last straw,” then looking a bit more and then taking action to clean the device best I could for now, make an interim plan, and then move on to do a bit of journaling and hen this post. I’ve also thought of a few people I could reach out to for some advice. And, I feel more resourced having been both adaptive and also “sticking with” my values for the health of our family in having a clean device and my health and happiness in shifting to spending some time on other priorities including my business. All of this also, as I mentioned, has given me space mentally and emotionally and so I just in a matter of 5 minutes texted 5 different friends asking for their advice.

Hope you find some support or insights in these musings and with deep love,

1st Week in Jan tip Summary to Shift Anxiety

Interested in tips to shift anxiety and deepen your self love?

Today is step 3, finishing up our week.

This step is about relating your values and longings–the things that are most important to you, specifically–to actions that support you when you are in panic or anxiety. This step invites you to take the values from step 2 and relate them to mental and physical actions that support you, keeping in mind what already has supported you in step 1.

I would pick 1-3 actions to start. These might include mantras or a phrase, visualization, or something physical while focusing in some way on what I value…perhaps linking a mantra to something physical. These physical things might be movement, drinking water, taking a breath, or putting braids in your hair like I used to.

Then there’s the “added step” of using your action/s as a habit. To start using this, not just in urgency, but also regularly. I will add a habit document soon to the files section you can check out. For now, highlight these four things: 1) Keep it short and simple, 1-5 minutes each day is great! 2) Link it to something you already do if possible (e.g. before or after brushing your teeth, when you get in bed, sit down for dinner, etc.) and 3) Get support/share your experience to encourage you to keep doing it. Find a partner, or share on this post’s comments or in the Facebook group, etc. 4) Be gentle with yourself and if what you’re doing is too much, make it less–e.g. go from daily to 3x/day to start.

If you go to Facebook group and request to join, https://www.facebook.com/groups/WLW.Support.Community/, you can view today’s and Weds’ video and see each post in succession.  Also a chance to share in community and a bonus tip and view my habit sheet.

With deep love!,

Step #2 for January Shifting Anxiety

Is your anxiety or panic making life challenging? Here is our January start-up step #2 in starting to shift this. We’ll finish out tomorrow with some action steps towards new habits.
Here we go!:

2) Take the time to consider what is most important to you. What values (see cnvc.org, needs list, for something that might help here)?

What people?
Longings you have?
Experiences you want to have?

Also include what brings you joy, calm, love…..
What places, experiences, people?
Use whatever method/s support you best to explore this—journaling, meditation, etc.

Again, like yesterday, I recommend you pick 4 or so that seem most important or just feel “good” to you and write those on a separate list.



A few suggestions to help you:
Be creative and willing to try something new as well!….you could even do a google search for joy, values, longings, etc. and see what comes up. Or look outside or at a favorite picture or listen to music you love for inspiration.

Examples that come up for me right now in case that helps you:

Love, joy, spaciousness, calm, self trust, trust, peace, fun, contribution, interdependence, safety.

I love so many folks in my life!….deep, “primal” love for my son Joey included…..and love for all….big longing for peace and love to be expressed more in the world.

Longing to celebrate the little things. Be gentle with myself and others. Laugh.

Experiences of being outside bring me a deal of calm and joy, as well as, often fun and laughter.

Also just being cozy and easy, such as sitting together with my husband on the couch while Joey comes up sometimes and plays others, and our cat Bosko sits on the top of the couch near my husband’s head. That feels amazing!! just thinking about it! :).

I’m also just doing a check in with my wiser self to see if there’s something I’m missing and then to pick my top 4. I’ll include the notes below…H-S stands for “heart-soul,” so is that wiser and also deeper heart-centered part of me.

Talk with Wiser Self:
K: Anything missing?

H-S: No. Of course love is big.

K: Of course. Anything else?

H-S: Spirit/Heart. Trust.

K: So, the top 4?
H-S: Heart, trust, love, and friendship. If you had a 5th, laughter.

K: Thanks!

So, there it is! I invite you when you pick your 4 or so, to just pick some. You’ll keep your old list and might take something from it anyway. I’m definitely including the image of being on the couch and probably the outside presence, for example. You could even do a coin flip or a roll of the dice or whatever, to get you to pick some. Or you could rank them 1-10, and pick out all the 10’s.

Bottom-line, it gets you thinking a bit more deeply about this and having a bit shorter list in particular if your first one was very long, to start us off on actions tomorrow.

More tomorrow!

With deep love,

Want some detailed support tips on how to get insights from when you have anxiety? Read on!:
Yesterday’s tip started with #1) After you finish a time of being anxious, consider what supported you during that time.
Today I wanted to go into that with a bit more detail to help you do that.
*First, remember to always get support, including professional support if needed.
Another reminder, be gentle with yourself and not pushy during this process! It might be stimulating.
It might help for you to do it right after a panic attack or big bout of anxiety. Or, if might help to wait a few hours or even until another day. You know you best. Trust yourself!
And, even if you’re not sure what you think of is helpful, jot something down.
And, remember you can get insight from a smaller anxious experience like if you gave a speech or told someone something that you were anxious to share.
You could journal, meditate on it, ask your wiser self or non-self that you visualize (see earlier video), or ask a supportive friend for help too. And, if you don’t think of something, no worries!

A few possibilities from my own experiences before I started getting more conscious and intentional:

1) I used to make little braids in my hair and rock back and forth. I think this was a way of my staying connected with myself physically and my connection to the physical.

2) I also would sometimes say to myself things like “It’s going to be ok” or “I’m going to get through this” or “This has happened before.”

3) And I also sometimes just said aloud who-knows-what. It wasn’t always encouraging, but, again, I think the repetition and the physical aspect of being aloud kept me from feeling as if I was drifting away so much.

4) Also just letting myself “be in” things and knowing it would pass and then getting support afterwards
Hopefully the above helped you if you were feeling like “nothing helps” you get through it.



Now to the less anxious times. This might be easier and can still be insightful. Think of a time, for example, when you wanted to tell someone something important but were nervous and anxious to do it. Or perhaps when you are in a big crowd.

In less big anxious moments, breathing is something I’ve used for quite a while, and with practice was able to use even when I was more-anxious often.

What do you to encourage yourself to do it/get through the nervousness. What helps you feel less-nervous?


In both cases, you can consider if there’s something physical that helps you. Something you do. Something you say. Something you think. Something you remind yourself. A distraction. A value. An insight. Something silly or something serious. And, again, jot anything down even if you’re not sure it’s helpful.

Next steps:

After you’ve made some notes, look through, and, again use whatever ways work best for you to pick out 3-4 and then write them down separately, keeping your old list as well.  You can make a time each day to look at the shorter list at least to keep it familiar to you.

More tomorrow!

And looking forward to what you share in the comments!

With deep love!


Monday Musings to Monday Action

Monday Musings to Monday Action: This morning, while I have almost 3 hours to plan with just-me which I have been doing more-often with others’ support, I’m thinking about priorities. About both priority activities and priority values. And about how I can focus on my priorities in little bits. I’m also thinking how fortunate I am to have the support to feel able to make these choices, how I honor myself for making choices that aren’t always “typical,” and how I have the support to, and choose to, make them and adjust them (like this morning I had thought Joey would head out sooner, but, instead, we had a more relaxing morning with smiles, books, cars, cozies).

I also posted this as my first LinkedIn article.  Yay!

I’d love to hear if you have priorities you want to share, want support doing, or if you have any other insights from reading this. Please share in the comments here or on the social media posts.  And, appreciations are always welcome too :). 


So, I planned to make my plan of choices & then “get moving and grooving” on action for the plan, with this post as #1.

I already did some gratitudes this morning and am actually going to do my breathing, love-focus/sending for all, and then a quick check in before I dive in. (This led me to do a visualization, which I’ve been doing later in the day typically, first. Super glad I did!)

I think the balance of taking action and pausing and checking in and being willing to adjust, even including rest is key for me. Yesterday between nap and night time I got almost 9 hours of sleep which was SO wonderful for me! Chose rest for sure and am super happy about it!


Priority values:

–Feeling good/happy/content…energized and relaxed and cozy all at the same time.

–Making an impact on a more loving, peaceful world….at home and everywhere and beyond the world.

–Joey feeling content.

–Time with Joey.

–Being responsive while keeping values and what feels like “reality” in mind…e.g. I want enough rest and sleep :).

–Time with & responsiveness with especially family & close friends-like-family



Big activities that are important to me:

–Write lots of books :), including books about anxiety and love and wellness and restorative justice and all those good things that I care about!

–Joey’s “growing up” happy and loving & supported in whatever is going on with him—feelings, etc.



Activities for today:

Priority group 1 (things I’ve agreed to do with others or habits I am building or things I’ve agreed to do myself)

*1) Post Monday Musings

*2) Call at 11

3) Respond to e-mails (WLW), posts (FB & LI, especially weekend posts & any personal messages)–add thank you.

4) Post for support from business coach

5) 2 in-person follow-ups (named)

6) 20, 20, 20 (from course) for LinkedIn….start out with 4

*7) Make 2 contacts to see if the 2 things tomorrow will work out & text if so to change current a.m. to Friday



Priority group 2 (Important to me, e.g. house stuff, self care, etc.)

1) Laundry in wash at least

*2) Shower

*3) Food/r&r/checking in and adjusting, etc. (Added this as it was missing!)


Priority group 3 (would like to do, pretty high priority but not as high)

1) Respond re dinner & ____

3) Ask re drawer set

4) Put dishes away



If more time:

1) Laundry put away

2) Do toilets (this actually is probably going to be another day)



Priority soon:

1) Consider about ways to reach more folks on social media

2) Checking in about kids stuff some more

3) Checking in about WLW stuff some more



Then I did a check in and got the response that this felt complete for now….AND that posting the “details” would be the braver and more impactful thing, so I’m doing that. So, without much editing, I’ll be posting right after my call since there’s not time now. Took a bit longer than I’d planned, but, adjusting to that.

Another “key” for me for today is going to be keeping more or less “on time” with the amount of time to spend on things (15-20 minutes at a time will be my plan for today for each thing and then checking in before spending more time), and then making adjustments as needed, but that way not letting one thing take up a lot more time than I had intended, and stopping at around 12:30 or 12:45 (with still 45 minutes-an hour left) to see if whatever feels most important then and whatever felt most important early on is done or if I can get it done in that time or schedule it later on. I also just a minute ago remembered something that is important and timely (it happens tomorrow) that I didn’t put on my list so I’m going to add that. And I checked my calendar and my call is 11:30. I also put a * on the 5 things that seem most important to me now (I was planning on 3-4, but couldn’t quite get it down to that! Ah well!). And, lastly for now I’m realizing that I want 5 minutes before the call to settle in. It’s a potentially emotional call for me and I want to be honest and loving and attending to what I want and all of that.

Please message me or check out wholelovingwellness.com for more info or to sign up for coaching support.

With deep love always!–Kathryn

Thursday Tip

So,  my invitation to share a tip with everyone is below.  And here were the thoughts I started out by posting on the comments part of social media, so that’s a place you can start.  With deep love-Kathryn


1) Deep breaths and a mantra. Almost always a go-to for me. And, if I can take a deep breath and add something to it, such as, “I breathe in calm” or “I am ok,” or “I am getting calmer” or “I have made it through to joy and calm before and I will again.” Or, I might do something like counting my breaths to get grounded, an easy repeatable thing that also brings me even more connected to my body.

2) I also used to make little braids in my hair in the midst of a panic attack. And, I’ve recently talked with people who really are supported by high-quality essential oils. I’ve also used EFT/tapping even in my head if I can’t do it physically. All of these helping connect to the physical.

3) If I am in a space where I can, some sort of movement and/or contacting someone on my go-to list if I’m up for these, or, if someone is there who I feel good to be supportive of me, asking for support. A glass of water has sometimes helped. Some find a loving hug supportive….others want distracting words….supportive words, etc.

So, those are some of what come up for me, right now. Then it’s my reminder to do whatever feels best to you, or whatever you can come up with in the moment, as long as it’s not causing you/others harm….even if it seems strange or is different from what others suggest. And, to just do something, even if it’s not the “right” thing, try something. And, remind yourself you’ve gotten through this before. And then, when you’re in a less anxious place, build the habit of something supportive, like the supportive breathing and mantra.

And, I’m going to go with “imperfection” and post this comment, though it’s a bit longer and more-winding than I might prefer, to use my time I have wisely to get it done! Hope it’s helpful! And looking forward to others’ comments. Please message me to talk more.

Thurs Tip 12-13-18



Monday Message 12-10-18

Monday Message: This Monday I’m reminded of two things I’d like to share that helped me on a mom-busy Monday (where Joey and I both have a bit of a head-cold) and so my initial plan to have Joey at someone else’s house today and have a good longer time to do business and self care and house care in a focused way didn’t happen.  The short version is to do and celebrate short stints of accomplishing and self care.  2-15 minute action are great!  And don’t forget the celebration part!.  The second is to ask for help.  And the little bonus is to remember “it doesn’t have to be perfect.”


Details of the Tips and how they turned out for me today:

The first is the “power” of short stints to get something accomplished or take care of yourself. This really helped me when I started to feel a bit discouraged early on today. I would notice I had a minute or two when Joey was had been feeling content and cozy on his own even though he wasn’t feeling 100% and then I’d hop on my phone and make some notes about things I wanted to do, do a self check in, consider requests I could make, read a little of something inspiring and things like this. And, I was careful to make my list small in number and including things I could do or get a good start on in 2-15 minutes time periods.

Being realistic with yourself and your family or other chosen responsibilities especially on a day where things shift like today, is really important.  And celebrating what you do!!

So, I got two texts replied to, one meeting scheduled, found an errand which also gave us an outing so we wouldn’t feel cooped up and got some bonus things including something for my husband picked up, and had a brief phone call, left a message, and did a bit of “fun” reading of part of an article, and started a draft e-mail.  And I did the “basics” which sometimes I forget to acknowledge/celebrate, like feeding myself, Bosko, and Joey, changing a diaper, and being with my son.  And we even got a walk outside briefly!

And then I used the second little “tip” of the day.   Asking for help now and later.  I took someone up on their offer to help after initially encouraging them not to come since we were sick. Feeling better myself at this point and agreeing they would do things like wash their hands and take Vitamin C :), I said “yes.”  I also made some plans of things I can ask for help about tonight.

And, in the last hour and 30 minutes, I got to take a shower, dry my hair and get dressed (all by myself!), make a longer more complex phone call without Joey in the background, and get started on this Monday Message which I’m planning to send out “as-is” (bonus reminder, “it doesn’t have to be perfect!.”)

Oh, and I guess another thing was really being present and enjoying the lovely things that were a surprise I wouldn’t have had, like the extra smiles and reading with Joey, the hugs, and the little outing including friendly greetings from others, and accomplishing the errands. So, appreciating and enjoying these things.

Before I go, one more time, highly encouraging you to use one of those 5-15 minute slots for self care in whatever way it looks like for you….if you’re not sure, asking that “inner knowing” self if you can get in touch with that voice.  For me today it was getting an amazing shower! I feel so clean and refreshed!  And, earlier in the day, actually, it was getting a glass of water and some food for myself soon after I woke up.  I almost forgot about that!

And, I plan on doing some checking and sending myself and everyone love and a few other loving self care habits while helping Joey to nap….and then we’ll see if I fall asleep myself!

Thanks for letting me share a bit of my experience and some tips that might help you.

With deep love-Kathryn

Thurs Tip 12-6-18

Thursday Tip and Reminder Discount Ends Fri:

Self Trust Tip: Having self trust to know what you need and trust it, and to “trust” that you know yourself even if you seem to get something “wrong” is key to having deep self love and shifting anxiety and panic from being at the center of your life if that’s a factor for you.

You might do the following experiment: Every day this week (or, just pick a day this week to do it, perhaps tomorrow!) when you get up ask yourself a question about something that is part of your day, for example, “What would I like to eat for a snack today?” or “When would I like to take a coffee/tea/water break today?” and then, whatever the answer is, follow through. And, if you don’t get an answer, then you could go for making up an answer and say “Today I’m going to have ____ for a snack and see how I feel about it,” or “Today I’m going to take a break one hour in to my work time and then see how I feel afterwards.” That checking in with yourself after about how you feel is also connecting to your wiser self and getting to trust yourself. Then you can use any feedback the following day.

Please share 1-3 sentences about your experience in the comments. Would love to hear! And, quick reminder, 20% off my fast-action coaching prices for 2018 ends this Friday, so give me a call at 317-514-1462 or message me here to get an exploration call set up to see if this is a fit for you.

With deep love-Kathryn

Monday Message 12-3

Monday Message: So, I am going to use today as a request post from me and a reminder about how you might make a request yourself.

I would love your feedback about an aspect of Whole Loving Wellness and my writing/artistic work.  I am longing for more effectiveness with my posts.  I think I would see more “effectiveness” in more interaction in the “comments” of my posts and in reaching/hearing from others who I can help support as a result of my posts.

Could you respond here, or send me a message directly, with what kinds of posts you find most useful, enjoyable, or that tend to make you interested in what I am doing, or with other concrete feedback on my social media posts?   Perhaps there was a certain post this past month you really liked.

“Types” of posts I think of are inspiring quotes; information to support self love, shifting anxiety, & general wellness; info about working with me, a course, or upcoming event; something fun/silly; gifts; a regular weekly post (e.g. Tuesday Gratitudes) which invites others to share as well; or passing something on from someone else.  I also wonder how you like my recent use of my website to make the social media post shorter while offering an option to read the entire post quickly?

More about requests:

Requests can be very powerful and a chance to have change in your life and support.  Nonviolent Communication has influenced how I see requests a lot.  Marshall Rosenberg’s book Nonviolent Communication or cnvc.org has more info.

If I make them most consciously, I try to make the request concrete and doable, and connected to a need/value that I long for, and I hold it as fine if “you” say yes or no.  If you say no, I intend to see it that you are meeting your needs by saying no, and to not be attached to a “yes.”  I can always make a different request, even a request of myself, too!  I might also share how I’m feeling when making the request.

Also, if it’s in response to something someone else has done or not done, I try to keep my statement about that action in terms of observation.  For example, instead of “when you were late again today, I felt….”, perhaps, “I noticed you got here at 10:10 today and 10:15 yesterday when we had agreed we would meet each day this week at 10 a.m.  Today I notice I am feeling a bit flustered and thinking I would have liked those extra 10 minutes to be at home.  I’m longing for ease and I wonder if it would help if we could agree to both be here at 10:15 a.m. tomorrow and still leave to go home at 11 a.m.  How does that sound to you?”  (Those who know me know that I tend to be the person there at 10:10, especially if I’m meeting a friend who I think won’t mind, and getting my son ready too :), I will honestly say.  This is something I’m working on, being clearer that I might be late and such in a friend setting and/or making more effort to be “on time” as I would for business/work.)

So, as you make your requests, I invite you to consider if any of this would serve you.  And, I’d love to hear your feedback or an example of a request you would like to make (with the other person anonymous please).


Thanks so much and with deep love!–Kathryn

Fri Nov 30, 2018

Feeling anxious or overwhelmed, perhaps especially if you are organizing things for any holidays you celebrate or if the holidays have difficult memories or concerns?

I know I’ve felt some overwhelm recently, myself. I called on different supports, with sickness going around our house and all that has meant with changed plans and folks not feeling great, including me!

In a moment when the anxiety isn’t too big, I suggest you take a deep breath, and then another deep breath. I know I’ve said it before, but, I think it’s worth repeating.

Often, if you can pause in these moments, things start to settle down, and then you can go to other support tools.  I really like to “check in” with myself after things settle a little bit.  Doing a quick journal or just ask myself what might help me right then.  And I’ve been making requests of others too.  Even if you don’t know exactly what you need, telling someone you know will be supportive you need something can help!

And, if you can make certain supports a habit in times without anxiety or of low anxiety, then they are easier to call on in other times. Always reminding yourself you have made your way through these moments before.  Because sometimes the skills you have won’t be a match for the anxiety of the moment.  But, that “mantra” or reminder, “It’s going to be ok.  I’ve made it through this before,” over and over, might be the thing to resort to.

Just a few thoughts to share at this time of the year.

I also saw a link to songs that have been shown to reduce anxiety I wanted to share. I haven’t checked them out, but have found songs supportive at times in the past, and the idea of music supporting health in different ways keeps “showing up” in different conversations and venues. So, here that is: https://www.fastcompany.com/90274251/song-reduces-anxiety-neuroscience.

I would love to support you with in-depth coaching so you know what works well for you as 2018 draws to a close and 2019 begins.  So, you have specific plans and tools in place and a deeper connection to self to get clarity about what serves you best, and be able to love yourself more deeply with the anxiety however it is now, and as it shifts.  Next Friday December 7th is last day for the year of 20% off. I’m also enjoying the idea of supporting others with projects that are stimulating extra anxiety for folks if they involve writing or photography, such as holiday letters or gifts. And, my books and notecards are available for holidays. Send me a message, email Kathryn@wholelovingwellness.com or call 317-514-1462 to explore possibilities.

With deep love-Kathryn