Home » 2019

Yearly Archives: 2019

Flexibility and adapting

“A wise man adapts himself to circumstances as water shapes itself to the vessel that contains it.” Anonymous

“The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.” George Bernard Shaw

“When something goes wrong in your life, just yell ‘Plot Twist’ and move on.” Anonymous




If Monday Musings about these quotes and adapting, and yet not always adapting might support you in your anxiety and your self love journey, please read on/  Feel free share your thoughts in the comments and/or go to our Facebook group to continue the conversation: https://www.facebook.com/groups/WLW.Support.Community/.


I like these three quotes together. Reminding us to be flexible and do our best to “take in stride” things that might surprise us or even feeling “wrong. Then reminding us that we do have power to change the world as well as ourselves, and, I would say, partly by changing ourselves,….it reminds me that we need not simply “adapt” if it’s not the right thing for us to do to take the best care of ourselves, others, or our values including values for love, justice, and also ease. And, lastly, with the idea of water adapting its shape to the vessel, I think about the fluidity of water and its power and its nurturing, and yet that it maintains itself while it adapts. So, I see a balance in all of these quotes about flexibility that I am really appreciating.

How I think about flexibility is that it is very important to be flexible and adapt, and yet to hold to one’s values and principles, and also one’s power and action. To trust ourselves and “stick with” something, but also to say “oh wait, it might be best to change,” to sometimes, holding our values, change our strategy or action, even just to make the day flow more easily.

I think of that this morning with things, as often seems the case of-late, going “differently” from what I expected, as I spent probably 15 minutes looking for a the manual I wanted and couldn’t find it online either. I ended up taking a break and even giving myself a good little “cry” moment, at this being a bit of a “last straw,” then looking a bit more and then taking action to clean the device best I could for now, make an interim plan, and then move on to do a bit of journaling and hen this post. I’ve also thought of a few people I could reach out to for some advice. And, I feel more resourced having been both adaptive and also “sticking with” my values for the health of our family in having a clean device and my health and happiness in shifting to spending some time on other priorities including my business. All of this also, as I mentioned, has given me space mentally and emotionally and so I just in a matter of 5 minutes texted 5 different friends asking for their advice.

Hope you find some support or insights in these musings and with deep love,

1st Week in Jan tip Summary to Shift Anxiety

Interested in tips to shift anxiety and deepen your self love?

Today is step 3, finishing up our week.

This step is about relating your values and longings–the things that are most important to you, specifically–to actions that support you when you are in panic or anxiety. This step invites you to take the values from step 2 and relate them to mental and physical actions that support you, keeping in mind what already has supported you in step 1.

I would pick 1-3 actions to start. These might include mantras or a phrase, visualization, or something physical while focusing in some way on what I value…perhaps linking a mantra to something physical. These physical things might be movement, drinking water, taking a breath, or putting braids in your hair like I used to.

Then there’s the “added step” of using your action/s as a habit. To start using this, not just in urgency, but also regularly. I will add a habit document soon to the files section you can check out. For now, highlight these four things: 1) Keep it short and simple, 1-5 minutes each day is great! 2) Link it to something you already do if possible (e.g. before or after brushing your teeth, when you get in bed, sit down for dinner, etc.) and 3) Get support/share your experience to encourage you to keep doing it. Find a partner, or share on this post’s comments or in the Facebook group, etc. 4) Be gentle with yourself and if what you’re doing is too much, make it less–e.g. go from daily to 3x/day to start.

If you go to Facebook group and request to join, https://www.facebook.com/groups/WLW.Support.Community/, you can view today’s and Weds’ video and see each post in succession.  Also a chance to share in community and a bonus tip and view my habit sheet.

With deep love!,

Step #2 for January Shifting Anxiety

Is your anxiety or panic making life challenging? Here is our January start-up step #2 in starting to shift this. We’ll finish out tomorrow with some action steps towards new habits.
Here we go!:

2) Take the time to consider what is most important to you. What values (see cnvc.org, needs list, for something that might help here)?

What people?
Longings you have?
Experiences you want to have?

Also include what brings you joy, calm, love…..
What places, experiences, people?
Use whatever method/s support you best to explore this—journaling, meditation, etc.

Again, like yesterday, I recommend you pick 4 or so that seem most important or just feel “good” to you and write those on a separate list.



A few suggestions to help you:
Be creative and willing to try something new as well!….you could even do a google search for joy, values, longings, etc. and see what comes up. Or look outside or at a favorite picture or listen to music you love for inspiration.

Examples that come up for me right now in case that helps you:

Love, joy, spaciousness, calm, self trust, trust, peace, fun, contribution, interdependence, safety.

I love so many folks in my life!….deep, “primal” love for my son Joey included…..and love for all….big longing for peace and love to be expressed more in the world.

Longing to celebrate the little things. Be gentle with myself and others. Laugh.

Experiences of being outside bring me a deal of calm and joy, as well as, often fun and laughter.

Also just being cozy and easy, such as sitting together with my husband on the couch while Joey comes up sometimes and plays others, and our cat Bosko sits on the top of the couch near my husband’s head. That feels amazing!! just thinking about it! :).

I’m also just doing a check in with my wiser self to see if there’s something I’m missing and then to pick my top 4. I’ll include the notes below…H-S stands for “heart-soul,” so is that wiser and also deeper heart-centered part of me.

Talk with Wiser Self:
K: Anything missing?

H-S: No. Of course love is big.

K: Of course. Anything else?

H-S: Spirit/Heart. Trust.

K: So, the top 4?
H-S: Heart, trust, love, and friendship. If you had a 5th, laughter.

K: Thanks!

So, there it is! I invite you when you pick your 4 or so, to just pick some. You’ll keep your old list and might take something from it anyway. I’m definitely including the image of being on the couch and probably the outside presence, for example. You could even do a coin flip or a roll of the dice or whatever, to get you to pick some. Or you could rank them 1-10, and pick out all the 10’s.

Bottom-line, it gets you thinking a bit more deeply about this and having a bit shorter list in particular if your first one was very long, to start us off on actions tomorrow.

More tomorrow!

With deep love,

Want some detailed support tips on how to get insights from when you have anxiety? Read on!:
Yesterday’s tip started with #1) After you finish a time of being anxious, consider what supported you during that time.
Today I wanted to go into that with a bit more detail to help you do that.
*First, remember to always get support, including professional support if needed.
Another reminder, be gentle with yourself and not pushy during this process! It might be stimulating.
It might help for you to do it right after a panic attack or big bout of anxiety. Or, if might help to wait a few hours or even until another day. You know you best. Trust yourself!
And, even if you’re not sure what you think of is helpful, jot something down.
And, remember you can get insight from a smaller anxious experience like if you gave a speech or told someone something that you were anxious to share.
You could journal, meditate on it, ask your wiser self or non-self that you visualize (see earlier video), or ask a supportive friend for help too. And, if you don’t think of something, no worries!

A few possibilities from my own experiences before I started getting more conscious and intentional:

1) I used to make little braids in my hair and rock back and forth. I think this was a way of my staying connected with myself physically and my connection to the physical.

2) I also would sometimes say to myself things like “It’s going to be ok” or “I’m going to get through this” or “This has happened before.”

3) And I also sometimes just said aloud who-knows-what. It wasn’t always encouraging, but, again, I think the repetition and the physical aspect of being aloud kept me from feeling as if I was drifting away so much.

4) Also just letting myself “be in” things and knowing it would pass and then getting support afterwards
Hopefully the above helped you if you were feeling like “nothing helps” you get through it.



Now to the less anxious times. This might be easier and can still be insightful. Think of a time, for example, when you wanted to tell someone something important but were nervous and anxious to do it. Or perhaps when you are in a big crowd.

In less big anxious moments, breathing is something I’ve used for quite a while, and with practice was able to use even when I was more-anxious often.

What do you to encourage yourself to do it/get through the nervousness. What helps you feel less-nervous?


In both cases, you can consider if there’s something physical that helps you. Something you do. Something you say. Something you think. Something you remind yourself. A distraction. A value. An insight. Something silly or something serious. And, again, jot anything down even if you’re not sure it’s helpful.

Next steps:

After you’ve made some notes, look through, and, again use whatever ways work best for you to pick out 3-4 and then write them down separately, keeping your old list as well.  You can make a time each day to look at the shorter list at least to keep it familiar to you.

More tomorrow!

And looking forward to what you share in the comments!

With deep love!